Casella Di Tartaruga
by Max Rasgar
Summary: A detour during a road trip leads to an inevitable outcome.


Disclaimer: This is a straight up non for profit deal. I don't own a damn thing but my imagination and the computer I clacked this out on.

A/N: I've mostly written hardcore AU Rizzles in the past and if you want to see how different take my older stuff out for a spin. This story is more canon compliant than anything I've written in the past so bear in mind that this is a Season 7 type of thing. My reasons for popping in to do this are: The show is ending (so I decided to do a fun-ish ending) and back when I started writing FF it was with these two so I thought why not give it another go.

WARNING: This tale has the potential to be considered offensive to some. However, this story is mostly meant to make you laugh and if it doesn't incite a giggle or even a little snort then it's not my problem you're so serious.

* * *

 **_Casella Di Tartaruga_**

* * *

GPS or map TV is only good for two things in Jane Rizzoli's mind; one is to get you lost and two it's fun to have one-sided arguments with it while you're lost. Maura Isles on the other hand, who is calmly sitting in the passenger seat strapped down riding shotgun alongside her best friend, has always found Jane's aggressive yet surly nature amusing when it's not directed at her. Jane is currently wearing her aviators of sexy justice, as Maura has taken to referring to them in her thoughts, with her long dark hair down as an added incentive. For Maura watching Jane in a not strictly friendly way is a guilty pleasure that she's been discretely and not so discretely indulging in for years now.

"Detour, then turn left after three quarters of a mile at the intersection of asshat and suck it street." Jane mimics the female GPS's voice in an exaggerated and definitely mocking Australian accent. "What is it with this stupid thing? Is that Dr. Ian's wayward sister on there or maybe a cousin twice removed? Shit, I would rather flip it over to the heavy breathing Vader option than listen to her anymore. At least Darth probably knows how to navigate even in galaxy far, far away."

Maura is long past being sensitive to remarks regarding a former romantic partner and she finds it freeing that Jane no longer shies away from saying his name. Calling Ian the love of her life seems so small-minded to Maura now.

"Jane, we are not that lost. Besides this is meant to be a sort of vacation and maybe getting lost is a portion of the fun. You know I read that road trips can be quite enjoyable provided a person has the right traveling companion even in less than ideal situations."

Maura has gotten better with sarcasm and just as Jane is winding up to show Maura how it's done a large white banner draped high over the roadway catches Jane's attention instead. The damn rental, which had to be a Prius, is already crawling along and Jane leans down closer to the steering wheel and cranes her neck up. For Jane being too tall in any car means sometimes you have to make adjustments to even see the traffic signals or anything else that's over your head which is everything in a damn Prius.

"You've got to be...'Cooter-Fest: 'A Shell Of a Good Time!' Really?"

Maura grins, "I wasn't aware that the festival was here this weekend."

Jane's dark eyebrows creep up her forehead, "Something you didn't know about? Oh my God! I'll have to alert your fellow nerds so they can revoke your poindexter card."

"Ha, ha." Maura says dryly, not sparing Jane a glance, while looking out of the passenger side window. "The pursuit of knowledge is not an exclusive club as you well know."

Jane snorts and keeps up her turtle pace of driving through a patch of road that is under construction or in other words making a mess with cones and creating new potholes, dips and bumps. Call it boredom or temporary insanity but Jane thinks that she may as well stop and let Maura have her fun, even though Jane isn't sure that this is a Maura Isles type of scene. Then again maybe it's just a turtle thing and Jane isn't meant to understand. Jane chuckles under her breath because: 'It's a turtle thing...you wouldn't understand' would be one hell of a bumper sticker Jane could make a killing on in this crowd. Jane follows the white arrows indicating parking for the event and luckily she finds and quickly pulls into the first available parking space.

"Shall we?" Maura says with a smile before opening the door to the car and getting out. She's pleasantly surprised that Jane has willingly embraced this unexpected option without prodding. "This should be a much more enjoyable venue to stretch our legs than at a rest stop."

Jane kills the engine, pockets the keys, and then steps out of the Prius and almost instantly a fine layer of sweat pops out on the back of her neck. Jane sighs and roughly runs her hand through her hair to stir her thick mane off the side of her neck for a moment.

"God, it's like someone is airing out hell because it's damn hot."

"The humidity is rather oppressive."

"Yeah, I get that and please don't start in with your weather girl routine."

Maura has learned to ignore Jane's varying degrees of sarcasm with a deft touch. She has also learned that her literal nature can be quite amusing in regards to irritating Jane.

"People in general tend to feel most comfortable with humidity levels of around forty-five percent." Maura says with a smile and she really wants to tell Jane that there are two types of humidity; absolute and relative and their varying ratios. "And that is precisely the reason I don't rely so heavily on central air in the summer months because I prefer to let my body adjust naturally to rising temperatures."

"Oh right, that's why you sleep in the nude during the summer months."

Maura doesn't even bother with trying to suppress her grin at the tone Jane's voice delves into when any form of nudity or sexual activities are the potential topic under discussion.

"My nudity notwithstanding you still brave coming over to my house during the summer."

Jane smirks and flips some of her long hair off her shoulder, "Doors with locks are a beautiful thing. And what you do behind closed doors doesn't bother me."

Maura turns her head to look directly at her best friend. Jane's dark curly hair has yet to be ravaged by the humidity and the faint sheen of sweat on her face, neck is quite a modest yet tantalizing display being framed by Jane's white V-neck shirt. Maura turns her attention away but not quickly enough to suggest that she's afraid of getting caught in her appreciation. Besides, Jane always acts oblivious.

The walk across the parking lot is a short one and there are no lines getting in because most people are already here, although Maura and Jane aren't the only stragglers trickling in. Jane forks over their entry fee, since she had the cash on her, and both women become quickly immersed in a reptilian culture festival that has a water-skiing competition.

"Just when I thought no other person could obsess over turtles more than you do. This must be like the ultimate turtle porn for all the shell lovers in this neck of the woods." Jane says while Maura tries to keep stride with Jane's much longer legs. "Poor Bass is gonna be sad that he missed out on all this mad love for his brethren."

Maura rolls her eyes but smiles, "Jane, you know exactly what species Bass is and I refuse to correct you any further on the matter."

Jane grins but the good humor doesn't last long. All of a sudden the two-legged population of the scenery registers; scantily clad people and some of them damn well should've re-thought wearing cutoffs and bikini tops. Hell some of the fellas have enough chest and back hair to braid if that's a hobby you've been itching to take up. Jane gags and pushes her sunglasses up even though they haven't slipped down the bridge of her nose; she caught a flash of a large man's hairy ass crack, and to make it worse he was bending over.

"Hey, we should get out of this sun and away from these people before you burn or freckle more."

Maura isn't the least bit polarized by the people here though because she has seen hundreds of naked dead people in all of life's varieties. But Maura does gasp at Jane's statement about her skin and stops moving and without fail Jane notices before she even takes another step.

"Why did you stop? I know you didn't break a heel because today you chose something sensible for once."

"I do not freckle, Jane. And I'll have you know that I applied an appropriate level of sunscreen along with my makeup this morning as a precaution."

"Right, okay but don't tell those freckles on your chest and arms that they're not freckles. They might get offended."

Maura sees an opportunity in Jane's words so she takes it, "Why are you looking at my chest?"

Jane closes her eyes for a second; she walked right into that. But even with the dark aviators that scream a kind of sexy-cool, Jane makes a face and then simply starts walking towards the big blue tent ahead that's full of clothes and all sorts of crap. Jane thinks that maybe Maura will drop the flirty shit like a hot potato if she waves some form of fabric in her field of view. Hell even polycotton gets Maura's attention and she hates that stuff.

Maura pouts as she watches after Jane for a beat and then follows her best friend. Maura decided that her original diagnosis of Jane is much more than just deceptively complex. As Maura walks under the blue coverage out if the high and hot afternoon sun, she takes her sunglasses off and to her surprise she sees Jane with her aviators pushed up in her hair and flipping through a clothing rack with an amused expression on her face in place of a scowl.

For Jane looking through stupid shirts is like peeping through those posters at Spencer's Gifts; you know the ones that were either stupid or fuck me that's stupid, like a trucker hat with a set of overripe foam boobs on the brim. Jane snorts at the heather grey t-shirt that proclaims in no uncertain terms that: 'It's Cooter Time'.

Jane even chuckles at the image of the turtle wearing too much bling and so very trapped in the early nineties. But then again the cartoon turtle is rocking the shit like Flavor-Flav wears a clock. Jane pushes the grey t-shirt aside for the next one which is a plain white tee that advises you to: 'Eat Mo Cooter'.

Maura smiles at the sound of Jane's low chuckle, "I would've never thought that you would find shopping amusing."

Jane jumps at little at Maura's sudden invasion of low tones and that damn flirtyness so close out of nowhere.

"These shirts are just...see for yourself."

Maura grins and moves a few steps over from Jane and starts her own browsing and right away she sees the joke. Each t-shirt is more ridiculous than the previous one and Maura can't help herself at the one in her hands, so she pulls the black t-shirt off the rack, flips it over and then models it with a smile against her torso.

"What do you think about this one, Detective?"

Jane rolls her eyes but she turns to look at Maura and the large gold badge on the back of the shirt that says: 'Official Cooter Inspector'.

"If you even think about buying or coming near me with that I will suffocate you with a pillow tonight at the hotel."

Maura doesn't feel the least bit threatened and she knows what an actual threat to her life looks like and it doesn't come in the form of her best friend.

"Aww, Jane soften up."

"It's lighten up, Maur."

"Whatever." Maura says as she puts the t-shirt back on the rack. "But, I think I'm more than safe tonight from you and your pillow, regardless of any shopping purchase, since we have adjoining but albeit separate rooms."

Maura dislikes the particular sleeping arrangement for a plethora of reasons. The chief one being she can't take comfort in having her favorite person close during the lonely hours. But Maura has somewhat resigned herself to the fact that Jane is far too straight; her more off than on horrendous fashion sense would even attest to it. They don't call it the queer eye for nothing.

Jane readjusts her sunglasses up in her hair and goes back to flipping through the selection of t-shirts because why the fuck not? Jane's not going buy one even if it would make her laugh every time she whipped it out to sleep in. The metal hooks on the rack rub and clack with every abrupt changing of the guard under Jane's handsy supervision.

'I Love My Cooter' in heather red is good for another snort but the next one is bright pink and is 'Cooterlicious'. Jane snorts at the too damn pink t-shirt and wonders why it doesn't say something like 'I don't think you're ready for this jelly' on the back or something.

"Hey, Maur wonder if Beyoncé is behind this gem?"

Maura reads the shirt with a smile that widens, "Doubtful."

Jane grins and puts the way too pink shirt back and moves on down the line until she runs across another contender for best pun.

"Check this one out." Jane says with a chuckle as she pulls the shirt off the rack and holds it up and Maura reads: 'Lil' Cooter: A little cooter never hurt nobody.'

"Improper grammar aside that statement is true. Provided a person indulges safely."

Jane opens her mouth and closes it. What the hell is she supposed to do with a rebuttal like that? So Jane puts the shirt back and keeps skimming the other offerings after getting past the size options of the last 'Cooter' shirt. A few shirts are too stupid and Jane's not a kid so it's not like she's going to demand Maura's attention on every damn one of them. Jane preforms a couple of bypasses until another shirt just screams ridicule me with your divine sarcasm.

Jane removes the regular looking white t-shirt from the rack intending to show it to Maura, "So what are your thoughts on this, Dr. Isles?"

Maura pauses her browsing to look up and Jane flips it over to reveal the back of the t-shirt. The pose Jane strikes with the plain white tee makes her ideally suited to pimp stuff on QVC all coquettish ingénue style.

"Because I'm thinking that this is the perfect slogan for that vag clinic you were going to donate money to or something Maur. You know the one that specializes in reconstructive surgery, so the wangs will be duped once more into believing an old baby chute is a shiny new baby chute."

Maura offers Jane a tight-lipped smile that showcases the contours of her cheekbones, "Happiness is a Tight Cooter, could indeed work for the clinic if they wanted to be novel in their approach. And that type of surgery isn't meant to fool a penis or the male attached to it."

Jane laughs and even under the blue tarp tent the mid-afternoon sunshine is still succeeding in making Maura's hair that much more radiant. The almost coppery-red highlights and low lights are uniquely beautiful. Jane has cataloged more than a few men and women stealing their fair share of glances every so often at her best friend.

"Jane, did you know that the term cooter is African in origin?'

"You don't say?"

"It is. But I mean in reference to the Bambara and Malinke Kuta turtle. A cooter is in fact a so-called gopher turtle which is a land turtle that lives and burrows near swamps and lakes."

"You know Maur, when I said 'you don't say' what I meant was don't say anymore."

Maura smiles and chooses to plow ahead because all the obvious and implied sexual innuendo is refreshing. Jane is far too susceptible to uncomfortable situations.

"But to further clarify the term cooter it's more a southern term now than African and it's applied to any freshwater turtle, Jane."

"This place is like a mash-up of turtle porn and a never ending lesbian joke or really a metaphor for anybody who can't go on living without cooter."

Maura snorts, "And we arrive at the last usage for the term cooter. Which for a fair share of the English speaking population is slang for the vulva or vagina."

"Oh God, if you start lecturing all about the tiny-gyna's a.k.a lady hot pockets then I'm outta here and you can phone a turtle friend for a lift back to Boston."

Jane abandons the stupid shirt section and walks over to a long table that has all sorts of turtle swag. Maura follows because Jane is fun to be around once you get used to her humor, especially the kind of humor this landscape is attributing to.

"Oh look Jane, a 'Cooter Shooter' shot glass is only three dollars." Jane says doing her best Angela Rizzoli Boston-Italian accent. "Collect the whole set."

Maura laughs and Jane grins as she begins to thumb through some random bumper stickers lying next to the fine crystal cooter shooters on the table. So far she has found two winners tied for first place and they are: 'I Luv Cooter' & 'Got Cooter?'

Jane thinks that maybe she should buy some of the bumper stickers and put them on Korsak's and Frankie's cruisers and a few random patrol cars respectively. It could be pretty funny for the citizens of Boston to see every time they go out on a call, and who really checks behind their car all that often?

"I know that dubious look."

Jane blinks and then gives Maura the side-eye, "I'm fairly certain that my face doesn't do...dubious."

Maura adores Jane's playful, mischievous side and those suggestive bumper stickers seem to be more amusing than the t-shirts for some reason.

"On the contrary your face is quite expressive and your..."

"Really? You're doing the microwave expression study thing on me in public." Jane says feigning exasperation as she grabs a couple of the 'winning' turtle swag bumper stickers and moves away from the table to pay. "I don't need to have my face analyzed as a part of this so called vacation package."

Maura purses her lips, "You're buying those?"

"Yeah, they've brought me joy and happiness in this turtle land where there was none. And I just can't leave here without them."

Maura grins and moves towards the entrance to wait for Jane. After spending a few dollars that will provide a great deal of laughs Jane steps out from under the blue tarp-like tent with Maura and back out into the sunshine and the assembled masses of turtle lovers. Both women lower their sunglasses and do their best to move among the crowd and Jane in particular hopes that there will be no more contenders for hairy lumberjack of the year running around topless and damn near skirting bottomless.

So far this short trip away from their jobs is almost everything that Maura envisioned when she suggested it. However, partaking in a local southern 'Cooterfest' wasn't part of her original itinerary as activities for the duration of their stay in this portion of the journey. Maura is far too tempted to make conversation or in Jane-speak open up the floor for a fun fact free for all, because in the silence between them Jane is without a doubt surveying the landscape with a critical and sarcastic eye.

Jane steps past a large sign and pauses because she isn't a hundred percent if she actually saw what she thinks she saw, so Jane steps back to read the sign more closely. The accompanying eye roll, groan and really? Is way out there for everyone in the vicinity to hold on to and enjoy. Sarcasm is Jane's favorite topping and she spreads that shit on everything.

"The Miss CooterFest Pageant?" Jane says with bold hand gestures and rising eyebrows that are creeping above her aviators. "Can't wait to see how the young woman will proudly wear that sash and tiara. Imagine it; a nice white satin sash with elegant green script that proudly proclaims: 'Miss Cooterfest'."

Maura chuckles, "And I know you wouldn't want us to be late for the Cooter Crawl either?"

Jane snorts and then over the loud speaker a man with a pronounced accent announces that the football game will be starting in fifteen minutes.

"CooterFest Football, really?" Jane says and Maura puts her hand over her mouth at the sight of Jane's incredulous expression. "On second thought, cooters tackling cooter's sounds like nothing but a goodtime."

A few people passing by give Jane the once-over for her remarks but Jane ignores it but then just as she's winding up for another hit or miss the loud speaker squawks again to announce that the women's softball tournament is now underway. Jane's so not touching that lesbotronic joke.

"I think we've seen enough and I'm sweaty and tired." Jane glances at the small silver watch that rests over her left wrist. "And it's late enough to check into the hotel...so let's go."

Maura doesn't have time to agree or disagree because Jane grabs her by the wrist and with a gentle tug she's being lead back the way they came. But after few steps Maura pulls her wrist out of Jane's grasp and stops.

"Hey, what's the hold up?"

Maura pushes her sunglasses back up her nose, "I don't appreciate being handled that way."

Jane gapes for a second but then her wondering and attentive eyes settle on the sign just over Maura's shoulder that states what activities are available under the big tent behind her.

"CooterFest Bingo? Man, I'm glad Ma isn't here she'd be all over that shit. I can practically hear her now calling out: 'Cooter!' I bet they make you say cooter instead of bingo."

"Are you poking fun at people in your mother's age group and their preferred activities now too?"

"Not at all." Jane says while running a hand through her hair. "In fact when I'm her age and too old to mate, I'll probably go for one of those adult coloring books."

Maura suddenly wants to remind Jane that she hardly mates enough now at her age much less when she gets older.

"Can we go?" Jane says with a low rasping whine that Maura acknowledges with a minor frown. "Alright, fine. I'm sorry for manhandling you...may we go now, please?"

Maura tilts her head and behind her dark sunglasses she narrows her eyes at the woman in front of her. The apology is more than sufficient but she does enjoy making Jane wait because she can.

"Yes, we can go now."

* * *

The hotel is newly built and everything about the building is practically unused. Jane appreciated the blasting air conditioning more than anything; Maura thought upon walking into the lobby that Jane was on the verge of dropping to her knees and thanking all listening deities for granting her mercy from the heat. After checking in and being issued two key cards Maura and Jane made their way to the elevator bank where, as usual, Jane hit the elevator buttons repeatedly. Maura smacked Jane's finger off the button after the fourth time.

Once upstairs to their floor and since their rooms are side-by-side and adjoining Maura simply followed behind Jane after she opened the door to her room. The rooms are nice and complete with queen sized beds that are well made in pristine white covers. Jane of course made all the proper and improper jokes since Maura packed her small UV black light to look for stains and then what's the best method for checking for bedbugs. Jane was still laughing as she took off to the bathroom for shower while Maura was using her disinfectant in Jane's room.

After going over Jane's room and to distract herself from listening to the shower running Maura goes over to the door that joins the rooms together and unlocks the deadbolt and goes into her own room for the night. Maura uses all the tools she packed to check over her room; the black light reveals no stains on the duvet, and then she sprays disinfectant on all the high traffic areas. With everything sorted Maura opts to take a shower herself, so she grabs her small bag and heads into the bathroom.

Much later in the night both women are in Jane's room again and on Jane's bed not watching the television. And due to Maura's so not sneaky efforts to get closer poor Jane has had no choice but to scramble for anything to talk about since her best friend seems preoccupied with touching her too.

"So...I'm hesitant to ask, but did you find any hidden leftover bodily fluids?"

Originally Jane was going to just blurt out: 'Did you find any cum stains?' But it seemed too crude and not to mention it might trigger another sex talk session with Dr. Isles; those are hair trigger on any given day anyway. Jane has come to believe that they could be having a chat about stamp collecting and that without fail Maura would find a way to make it about sex.

"No, I did not." Maura says as she runs her fingertip lightly over Jane's bicep, and for once her mind is focusing on the sensory experience instead of labeling the muscles. "And this bed is also devoid of any remaining past excretions."

Jane cringes, "Never say excretions ever again."

"Then what word should I use in its place when referring to it?"

Maura's hands are soft and so are her fingertips but even if the they felt like course grain sandpaper they would still be affecting Jane in all the same ways. Over the last hour Maura has slowly but surely inched closer to Jane on the bed and then if that weren't enough she started touching Jane's arm about ten minutes ago.

"I don't know." Jane says with a shrug as she scoots down further on the bed. She's not lying flat on her back but she's not propped up against the headboard either. "Pick another medical term that means body fluids."

Maura bites down on her lower lip and presses her fingertips more firmly into the soft, tanned flesh of Jane's bicep.

"Discharge?"

"No."

"Evacuation?"

"Pass."

"Expulsion?"

"Ah, Skip it."

"Exudation? Or perhaps...secretions, seepage?"

Jane shivers from the images Maura's vocabulary conjures as well as Maura's touches that are lingering longer and longer with every single pass.

"Okay, admit it, Maur. You own a thesaurus that has nothing but gross sounding words in it."

Maura doesn't respond with words and Jane doesn't have it in her to even look at her friend from the corner of her eye now. It's taking everything Jane has in this moment to not give herself away, give herself over to the person who means the most to her. This is Maura touching her but she's doing it in a decidedly different way and not to mention her intent is becoming just as confusing as it is obvious.

"I've never asked before but what do you think about those officers who on occasion call you Detective Italian Vogue? Which by the way I do see the relevance since you are more than attractive enough for the magazine and your heritage goes without saying."

Jane grins despite the growing compression in her body, "I guess it's not the worst I've been called; looks fade though and I've never put much stock in mine. But yeah, I've always known that I don't have a face like a foot."

Maura thinks that not only is her best friends face nowhere near something that a podiatrist would treat, but also that Jane's body in general far exceeds most human anatomy.

"You are extremely attractive beyond just the surface." Maura says and Jane's face heats up from the compliment and the roving hand that is also attached to her best friend. "Which is why I have such a hard time comprehending why you haven't been with...anyone in a while?"

Jane shrugs again because honestly she doesn't miss some hairy, heavy and sweaty male of the species on top of her grunting it all out like a gorilla in the bush before he rolls off her. Jane did end up pregnant the last time she volunteered to experience that.

"I guess since my last experience with G.I. Jones a.k.a Casey I just think that since I won't be actively trying to get anyone pregnant then the least they could do is extend me the same treatment just to be fair."

Jane goes for the joke because she's not just aroused she's getting close and Maura's barely touching her. Shit! It's just her arm after all. But Jane can also feel the heat coming off of Maura's very near body and if that weren't enough the woman is wearing her short, silky and sexy flowery nightgown.

Maura chuckles while her need to touch Jane has become muscle memory of sorts; the feeling of Jane's skin under her fingers is rather hypnotic and she doesn't want to stop.

"That's not how human biology works, unintentional or not, but I see your point in the abstract sense."

"Unintentional my ass!" Jane says loudly in an effort to shake Maura off without having to say anything directly but it doesn't work. "I know for a fact they all get off on knowing they can potentially do that to any woman on the planet. I know all about that impregnation fetish shit, Dr. Isles."

Maura laughs and smiles as her eyes slowly track down Jane's impressive figure, "Did you know that the human umbilicus has sixty-seven types of bacteria in it?"

Maura can't help herself any longer and she's long since given up on trying and failing to control were her eyes wonder to. Seeing Jane still fresh out of the shower and then just lounging on the bed was a tempting sight, especially when taking into account the short black sleep shorts and the racerback tank top Jane opted to put on as sleepwear. The navy blue tank top slowly rode up every time Jane moved on the bed to adjust her position to seek comfort while watching TV.

"My what?"

"Navel, bellybutton."

"Oh, right that and eww! And how in the hell is that a relevant discussion topic now?"

Maura wants to run her hand along Jane's stomach; she's not even pretending to watch the show that has all of Jane's attention, but Maura is wrong in that respect. Jane is only pretending to watch the TV because as soon as Maura joined her on the bed her heart rate has gradually started to beat faster. The last twenty-minutes have been a test of limited movement; like pretending you're dead to keep from getting mauled by a bear. All embarrassment aside Jane is hopelessly aroused by Maura's presence which is not a new thing but what is new is how all of her reasons for not crossing that line has become nothing but gibberish bullshit in the here and now.

"Aren't you tired, Jane?"

At the sound of Maura's soft voice Jane closes her eyes and gently exhales through her nose. She's not going to be able to hold herself back much longer if she doesn't get out of this bed and go walk it off or something.

"Hey, are you still awake?"

Maura's hand is on her thigh now and Jane's eyes spring open and suddenly there's an all too familiar pulling sensation low in her body. Maura's fingers faintly trace, press and then slide along her skin and oh God. Jane has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep the runaway reaction under some kind of control and thank whoever is listening that she's had her legs crossed this entire time.

"Yeah, I'm still awake in fact I'm going downstairs for a bit." Jane says smoothly while she tries to not look like she's scurrying off the bed. "Do you need anything?"

Maura looks confused and she barely tracks Jane's movements around the room in the low light from one lamp and the television screen as she yanks on a pair of jeans and slips her feet into her sneakers. Maura knows she's pushed Jane too far but verbalizing now would be an even bigger mistake.

Maura turns and glances at the red numbers on the digital clock sitting on the nightstand, "It's nearly midnight."

"Yeah, so? I'll be back."

Jane practically flinches even though she softly closes the door to the room behind her. Every time she's alone with Maura it gets...well she doesn't want to say hard because - vomit - she's no guy. But right this second Jane does have leftovers in her underwear from an unbelievable ladyboner that Maura triggered. Jane takes a deep breath and heads for the elevator banks but before she even gets there she changes her mind and chooses to take the stairs.

On the other side of the door, still perched on Jane's bed, Maura wipes away a few tears that have managed to escape her control. After a long minute Maura moves off Jane's bed and walks to the open adjoining door that leads to her room. Maura stalls at the threshold before going into her own room and closes the door behind her. Her temporary bed for what remains of the night will not provide any real rest.

* * *

Check out time is eleven on the dot, but Maura being Maura insists that they get out of here at ten instead and Jane is already extra grouchy without the extra push. What's really eating Jane isn't the beyond punctual checkout time but that last night Jane got off from her best friend just being close to her and lightly touching her thigh. She's also pretty damn sure Maura knows it too. The white stain in Jane's best pair of black underwear was impressive when she dared to look at them while decompressing in the bathroom just off the lobby downstairs. Jane's forehead wrinkles with her thoughts as she stuffs their bags in the rental Prius' Isles approved spacious cargo area.

"Do you want to drive first for a while?" Jane says as she pushes the hatch down firmly until it closes. "Because I don't want to start out the day behind the wheel of this clown car."

Maura simply nods because she hasn't said much this morning and Jane briefly smiles and walks around to the passenger side, opens the door and gets in. The car is stuffy-warm because it's already in the eighties at ten in the morning. The road trip part of their adventure is almost over; it will be when they drop off the rental and get on the plane bound for home. So many little and not so little things have happened over the years but it seems like the biggest one happened last night.

The driver's side door opens and Maura slips down into the seat and pulls the keys out of her purse before she turns and places her purse on the seat behind them. The keys have a dull jangle against the plastic fobs identifying the rental company and the keyless fob for the car itself. Maura places the correct key in the ignition to unlock it but she hesitates on pushing the start engine button.

"Are you embarrassed by me?" Maura says with a slight waver in her voice. She can't bring herself to say ashamed because somehow even thinking that feels even more hurtful. "You've known me for years now. You know exactly who I am and you've accepted my...eccentric personality."

"Are we really having this discussion in a hotel parking lot while sitting in this little powder blue Prius?"

Maura closes her eyes for a few seconds and breathes deeply through her nose, before opening her eyes and turning sideways in her seat to face Jane.

"Excuse me for picking this moment but I have been attracted to you for years Jane and I've loved you for just as long in every way a person comes to care deeply for another. You know this about me and yet you act like this information is new or I dare say inconsequential. So I'm left with the fact that the real problem is my gender and that it's shameful to you. And I know that you...orgasmed last night from a rather innocent, but I admit, deliberate caress."

Jane is no coward, not really in the grand scheme, especially when you have the guts to put a bullet through yourself. But at the same time when you've heard more than your fair share of derogatory comments, since you were a kid no less, it makes you wary on how much you really want to put yourself out there for people to make fun of. Also, Jane knows just how far she has let it ride for Maura to be the one to finally address this long standing and unresolved matter between them.

"You just had to say that last bit out loud? Put it out into the world didn't you?"

Jane is damn near frantic and ready to say: 'Hey look at that!' while she does a disappearing trick in the confusion. But from the sheer look on Maura's face Jane knows that's not an option if she wants to keep her friend. A friend who so clearly wants more from her and has for years.

Jane sighs, "Look, it's not that I don't love you too. I do but I don't know if I could get past the part where...I'm not ashamed of you. Don't ever think that."

"Then why do I have to keep looking for someone when I've already found the person who is more than I could've ever hoped for?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do." Maura says sternly and Jane can tell that not only is she hurt but she's getting pissed too. "Is it because of the men I've dated? Or is it because, as a joke several years ago, I told you that you weren't my type?"

Jane grins for a second, "You'd been drinking that night, but to be honest it's because I've seen you in an orange jumpsuit."

Falling back on humor is Jane's permanent crutch and without it she would be crippled in pretty much all emotional situations that is not directly related to her job.

"This is not the time for you to deflect, Jane. I've seen how you've looked at me for years and I've more than returned those looks and yet nothing has changed."

Jane knows it's all true. There's nothing to deny but fantasies are nothing like reality; they can't be, because in your deepest desires you can't let anyone down or be let down.

Maura leans forward and rests both hands on the warming steering wheel that's gradually starting to bake in the sun. This is not how she saw this long overdue conversation happening but Jane's reaction so far is exactly what she feared.

"I thought I would it give it one last honest try and then after I've confessed everything if you...if you decided that I'm not what you want then I would force myself to move on, no matter what the cost." Maura gazes out through the windshield to focus on a young couple trying to organize their luggage in the back of their Subaru. "I can't keep living my life in longing, that isn't fair to me. I can't afford to keep wasting what time I have left waiting. That's why I took to writing because even in the mystery genre I would still be able to deal with things I could never say out loud, or even use it as a means to purge emotions within the hidden and safe context of said fiction."

Jane eyes are welling up with tears and she really wants to punch out the GPS sticking out from the windshield on its little suction cup even though the bitch is turned off.

"And if you take the teaching position at the FBI perhaps it will give me the right amount of time to get over you, even though I don't want to."

Jane sucks in sharp breath because this can't be real; it doesn't feel real, but it is and this is finally happening. No more stalling.

"Now would be the time for you to say something, Jane. And just this once, for me, please say what you mean and mean exactly what you say."

Jane clears her throat and pulls on the front of her blue button up, "I told you things are changing around us but I haven't changed. I've always thought there was a time limit on certain things and once the window closes that's it."

Maura sniffles because she can tell Jane is trying not to cry. Maura squeezes the steering wheel tightly for a few breaths and then lets go.

"I'm not going to spout some self-deprecating bullshit to you, though the temptation to ask what it is you see in me is there."

Maura closes her eyes and it causes two tears push past her eyelids and they run down her cheeks.

"To put it plainly I don't mesh with anyone really but you and your Googlemouth. And without you knowing about it I've used you as a measuring stick to anyone who has ever wanted to go out with me. No one has even come close to you."

Maura turns away from Jane and leans back in her seat until her head falls against the headrest. A small smile plays on her lips as the tears slow.

"I could've done without the whole nightgown seduction thing last night. You made me ruin a killer pair of my good black underwear."

Maura chuckles and opens her eyes and the first thing she sees is Jane leaning back in her seat staring up at the closed moon roof.

"I'm not leaving Boston to run off to the FBI. It was a passing thought; just an option if nothing looked good to me anymore." Jane reaches up and pokes the fabric covering the moon roof. "But frankly one of the Agents there came on to me like he could just snap his fingers and erase all the stalker laws in the book."

Maura smiles, "Did you accept his advances?"

"Hell no. I wasn't even going to tell you about it but priorities change. Truthfully, I wanted to punch him but I didn't want to be slapped with an assault charge; it's not good resume padder." Jane scoffs while making a face. "And now you know why I got you that monumentally stupid 'Female Boob Inspector' shirt, I had to laugh about the situation."

Moments come and go and there is no such thing as perfect timing. Maura smiles as she leans over the console and the actions triggers Jane to finally look at her best friend who wants more.

"When you got hurt again, that big brain of yours on the fritz, the whole thing scared me but nothing changed and that's on me."

Maura smiles at every recent memory. Jane's attentiveness after the shooting at Korsak's wedding reception, her surgery afterwards; both if you count the kidney she gave away. Maura's smile widens more because she actually bought a custom sabre guard with the Boston Red Sox colors and emblem so Jane can recognize her while attending her fencing tournaments. Their entire relationship reeks of all kinds of romantic gestures that have been stretched out over the years.

"Jane, despite you saying you didn't need seduction the resulting effect of me touching you was much more than a mere expression of lust on my part." Maura smirks thoughtfully and briefly considers batting her eyelashes. "But do you have any idea how formidable a task it was for me all these years when you would undress and drive while I was present?"

"I guess I have a pretty good understanding now if last night was your version of payback." Jane says with a grin and Maura smiles. "But you know what I...aww, the hell with it."

Actions are easy to understand when words become a confused jumbled mess or flat out meaningless blather. With deliberate hands that are shaking slightly Jane gently cradles Maura's face and then without pause she leans in to kiss her. The surprise kiss wipes away Maura's momentary confusion of Jane's profane declaration and then comes the bliss of realization. After over seven years Jane is finally kissing her.

Back in the beginning when they first met Maura of course became enamored by Jane but then it became more and Jane nurtured it along just as much if not more. The only true grief is that it's taken this long but perhaps the wait has made the journey more sweet than bitter. Bitter would be never having known this at all. Maura whimpers into the kiss as Jane adds more intent and all reservations begin to crumple one by one.

Maura moves her head to deepen the kiss and in response Jane takes her lower lip between both of hers for a beat but then she pulls away.

"We're in a sweat lodge feeling crappy powder blue Prius in a Marriott parking lot. I can think of better places to make out."

Maura laughs and reaches up to caress Jane's hand on her face. Maura has always loved how Jane touches her and now she's going to experience even more of that.

"This car is becoming quite overheated. I could turn on the solar powered cooling fans?"

"How about we get out of here, get some breakfast." Jane says before quickly pecking Maura on the lips and with a smirk she turns and slouches down in her seat a little. "Then after that we'll see about making out or whatever?"

Maura grins and hits the start engine button, "Sounds promising but only to the extent of what you choose to ingest."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Maura reaches over her shoulder and pulls her seatbelt across her chest and clicks it closed. The sensor for the passenger continues to chime and Jane grabs for her seatbelt with a grumble.

"It means that kissing someone with indigestion is about as attractive as kissing someone with morning breath."

"So this is what it's gonna be like, huh?" Jane clicks on her seatbelt and finally the perky chiming sound shuts the hell up. "This is what you want until we're both senile?"

Maura chuckles and moves the gearshift down into reverse and carefully backs out of her parking spot, "Who said I want to grow old with you?"

Jane rolls her eyes, "My Ma has lived with you for years now and I was at your house more often than mine long before it burnt down...we practically have a common law thing going on. Seems to me like we both made long term plans years ago."

Maura laughs because none of those facts has escaped her notice for a second at any time during their friendship that was never so easily labeled.

"So with that theory in play am I to believe that you were waiting for me to make the move?" Maura says as she puts the gearshift into drive and the GPS decides to activate. "But before you give me a sarcastic response where would you like to have breakfast?"

"Wherever map lady will let us eat since she's gotten us lost twice, and then lead us to a turtle orgy fest as payback because I told her to go suck it."

Maura laughs and reaches over the console and Jane meets her halfway to take the offered hand, "Jane, even though other more important things have weighed heavily in my mind, I still can't help but wonder what you're planning to do with those bumper stickers you purchased. Should I be worried?"

"Not really." Jane smiles and gently squeezes Maura's hand. "But I'm fairly confident we'll have some laughs."

 **_END_**

* * *

 **Soundtrack: ****"The Grouch" & "Uptight" by Green Day, "Lazy Eye" by Silversun Pickups, "The Bliss" by Volbeat**

 **Closing Remarks:** **The CooterFest is real (in case you didn't know) and yes I wrote about it because I'm easily amused. All t-shirt references, bumperstickers, shotglasses, slogans and events are also real. I didn't fabricate a damn thing for a cheap laugh. And in case you're interested the title is italian for 'Box Turtle' and yeah, I know that's a terrible pun with all the cooter jokes flying around and the semi-serious interlude and conclusion.**


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